Ellis: Philly Battles For All Seasons
Rob Ellis
Last week, reports surfaced that the Flyers will play host to the New York Rangers in the latest installment of the NHL Winter Classic. The game will be played Jan. 2, 2012 at Citizens Bank Park.
There are very few original ideas in sports these days, not a whole lot of novel concepts. But the Winter Classic concept has been a home run. Playing hockey on a glorified outdoor pond in a unique setting like Fenway Park or Wrigley Field has been a ratings winner. It’s also given a league considered fourth in a four-horse race a nice shot in the arm from a popularity standpoint.
So, the thought of the orange and black and the blue shirts doing battle at Citizens Bank Park inspired me to think of some other potential matchups with local ties in cool venues.
RENDELL V. WUSSES
Former Pa. Governor Ed Rendell went on a famous rant when the Eagles made the decision last year to postpone their game versus the Vikings the day after Christmas due to a snow storm. The crux of Rendell’s beef was that football should be played under any weather conditions, and the halting of the game was symbolic of what a soft nation we have become.
Location: The game will be played on a Tuesday night in late December at an outdoor cafe of Rendell’s choice. Shirtless.
Advantage: Rendell. He owns the natural all-year sweater. Loser has to do Chinese math.
ANDY REID V. PERSONALITY
Big Red has made an art form out of giving nothing more than name, rank and serial number during his press conferences over the last 12-plus years. The words “time is yours” is forever tattooed into our consciousness. Reid makes Paul Holmgren look like a stand-up comic.
Location: This throw down will take place on stage at the Helium Comedy Club. The first 15 jokes will be unscripted.
Advantage: Personality. If Reid loses, he has to do knock-knock jokes with all the beat writers.
MICHAEL RICHARDS V. THE MEDIA
The captain has a clear disdain for the media. He cannot fathom the concept that after a loss, he may actually be asked what went wrong. What a novel concept it is that the guy with the “C” on his shirt should stand up and be accountable.
Location: For this battle, we will turn the tables. Richards with tape recorder and camera in hand, will get to show up on the doorstep of any media member he so chooses first thing in the morning and badger them with questions.
Advantage: Push. This one could go either way. The only people possibly more miserable on the face of earth than Richards, are the folks that have to cover him on a daily basis. Loser has to wear that bad hat he doffs in every postgame interview for a year.
DONOVAN McNABB V. BERNARD HOPKINS
Ah the main event. The Don versus the Executioner. This battle has been a one-way street for the most part. Hopkins, who was once snubbed by McNabb years ago in the Eagles locker room, has made it his mission to bury “5″ ever since. Hopkins’ rants are tired and ignorant. But he is relentless. McNabb’s camp finally fired back last week. But we have not seen the end of this one. Hopkins’ last salvo had interesting timing considering he has a fight May 21st that few people have any interest in.
Location: Put up your dukes fellas; this one will take place at the corner of Germantown Ave. and Erie Ave. The location would seem to favor Hopkins, however McNabb gets to where his helmet. Terrell Owens will be Hopkins’ cut man. Hugh Douglas will work McNabb’s corner. Think Rocky III pre-fight brawl, Apollo and Clubber Lang.
Advantage: Donovan. Owens unhappy at the money he is being paid for the fight, laces Hopkins’ water bottle with Ex-Lax. After B-Hop declares “no mas,” McNabb finally wins a championship and there is no puking.
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